I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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