You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
