Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
