On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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