I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
