I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you never un-have a 4some
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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