Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
