new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ladies don't puke and tell
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
