I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
