I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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