bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
