i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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