I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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