its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
