Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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