Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
