she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
