I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
