He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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