I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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