i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
