What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
