I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Welp...herpes.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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