My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All I want is dick and wine.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
