i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i barfeds in our rink
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
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