clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
