walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just found puke in my bra..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
