Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
