never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
that may or may not have been my penis.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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