I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
