my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
