he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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