Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
