I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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