Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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