I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
