Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
