girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We have so much sex to catch up on
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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