You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
