I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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