I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
