You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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