i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
