If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
