Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit