dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.