i just google imaged poop.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal