I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.