I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"