five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
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shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
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also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.