You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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