"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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