If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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