Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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