Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
