i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
