Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
