My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
