maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
