I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
