weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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