I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
