You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sober January is a disaster.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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