My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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