Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
