This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
