I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
