Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
