He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
