My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i think im in europe. pls send help
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
