are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
