dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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