haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
