Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
