Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
