Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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