we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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