I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Randomize
