I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
