she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
