Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
so much tequila, so little girl.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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