When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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