Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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